Monday, 20 June 2016

Camp experience

Camp experience 
This is a story of pain and horror and blood. Games are meant to be fun and happy but the most dangerous of all  games  was spotlight. We started  out  fine everyone started laughing and hiding and  there's chairs that we can hide in. We were trying to get to the playground where all the kids tried catch other kids. When we played the game I was running like crazy all the lights make it look like a prison escape. I was the prisoner and the playgrounds were the gates to freedom. The first person to  have an accident was a girl named lulu she was so close to the freedom until she fell over the wooden ramp and hurt herself pretty badly and then she was drag back to prison. Next a girl named Megan tripped  over gravel and got gravel inside her knee it was gruesome and gross. Next was a boy named Sairusi  he greased his ankle pretty badly. Then we got people  tripping over trees and  bushes. But they did recover quick and I did make it. As soon the game was over the memory's we had of blood and pain was stuck forever!!!!!!. 

I think I'm going well on my writing because  I'm comparing the situation to others  to help connect  my read  to make it more interesting and my next step to writing is to put full stops in right place and  fix capital letters.




1 comment:

  1. Hi John, wow I loved reading the first line of your story. It made me want to read more! I also liked the way you compared the game of spotlight to a prison escape. This gave me a really good picture in my mind of what it was like. Sounds like you really enjoyed camp. From Mrs O (Kohara)